The Surrogacy Journey

We were not in the unusual position of wanting to have a family – certainly I think that this is a desire that most people have to some extent or another. Our challenge was that they only way that this could be achieved was through pursuing the surrogacy route. We knew it would be challenging and costly; both financially and emotionally. But our desire for a family was strong and this pushed us along.

Having children with a surrogate mother broadly falls into two categories – either using eggs of the surrogate mother or alternatively using the eggs of an egg donor. The decision to pursue either route has a number of pros and cons each way and in the end we chose the latter approach – that of sourcing a separate egg donor. We set out to find three key people to assist us in our journey. We needed a social worker to help us with all of the legal requirements, an egg donor and a surrogate mother. Additionally we needed a facility to help with all of the necessary laboratory requirements. With the help of friends and acquaintances we managed to find a surrogate mother who was available and met our requirements. Additionally we made contact with a helpful and encouraging Social Worker and through the Medfem Clinic in Sandton and the wonderful assistance of Pam Duffield an egg donor was sourced as well as a facility to get our surrogate pregnant.

Once all of these people were in place we met with a specialised lawyer who helped us draw up a contract with the surrogate mom and all that this entailed. The current legal situation is a little different from what is was when we did our contract but there were certain requirements that we had to meet including undergoing medicals, financial assessments etc for the adoption process that would have to be followed once the baby(ies) were born.

With everything in place the Clinic soon organised the donor and surrogate and got them both on series of regular injections to ensure the synchronisation of their cycles. Everything seemed to happen really fast all of a sudden after years of thinking about pursuing surrogacy and then months of planning and organising. Eight eggs were harvested from the egg donor and we were called in to provide the semen sample. A few days later we had a number of healthy embryos ready to be implanted into the surrogate. With the arrival of the big day we were both nervous and excited. We were also very keen to ensure that we had twins – after all it entailed going through the surrogacy route having twins seemed to be ideal for us. We were present at the insertion and urged the doctor to implant three embryos in order to increase the chance of twins. The doctor however was of the option that the blobs of 8 cells we could see on the screen were of excellent quality and the decision was made to only implant two embryos. There would, in his opinion, be a 30% chance of twins. We were hoping for a positive pregnancy with the dream of both embryos implanting. Seven days later our surrogate called to say she had done a home pregnancy test which had a positive result. A few days later she went into the clinic and a blood test confirmed the pregnancy. At six weeks we went with the surrogate for the first scan. It was an exciting time and our excitement doubled when the doctor confirmed that we were expecting twins. We were fortunate that the pregnancy had taken on the first try.

The pregnancy was a roller coaster ride. We were hoping for the pregnancy to be viable, that both twins would be okay and that they would reach a decent term. Week after week passed with regular scans and regular contact with the surrogate. Two incidents required hospitalisation of the surrogate for a short time but all things considering the pregnancy went fairly smoothly. Our babies grew well and we knew that we were expecting two girls. During this time we started to prepare a room for the girls, attended a SAMBA parenting seminar which was informative and nerve-wracking, found great staff and sent these staff members of training courses. We made sure we were ready to bring the girls home.

We reached 38 weeks (considered term for twins) and had a c-section date booked. The night before the delivery we visited our surrogate in hospital, she was excited and nervous – a feeling that mirrored ours. Early next morning we arrived at the hospital, changed into theatre scrubs and went into theatre. The hospital staff at the Sandton Mediclinic were great and we had a paediatrician on site because there were twins expected.

The delivery was quick and we were handed one baby and then the next. At 2.1 kg and 1.9 kg they were small babies, but perfect and healthy. The sense of relief was immense, to know that both babies were ok, perfect and alive. We accompanied them down to the maternity ward where we were both booked in for the duration of the babies stay in hospital. Ours daughters thrived under the care of the wonderful nurses and after five days and a plethora of visitors we headed home. Having twins has been a wonderful and very challenging experience. Both of our girls are doing very well and growing up fast.

The surrogacy route is a complicated and challenging one but it is possible. And the results are incredible. We would not have changed anything!

Some pointers before commencing on the journey:
• Get familiar with the legal landscape
• Be emotionally ready
• Ensure a support infrastructure
• Understand and have the financial means
• How will you be participating
• Consult a fertility clinic
• Find suitable surrogate / donor eggs or sperm

Combinations:

Contact details:
Medfem Clinic– Pam Duffield - +27114632244
Social Worker - Joan Nathanson – 084 466 3790